I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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