You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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