At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
