jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
