Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
