he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Congratulations! We have a period
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
