I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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