just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
