I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
