Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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