About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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