We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
