You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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