whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
