I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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