I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
