I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
