please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
