You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You have to summon your inner elephant
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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