We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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