Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
