I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
