five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
