Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
