yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
