I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
