I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
