How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
