I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
