Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
