I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
