you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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