So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
