I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
