but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I supernannyed him into submission
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
