I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
