Where is the hickey?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
