I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
