So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
