My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I need water and some morals
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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