her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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