pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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