hell yes lets make some ravioli
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Mom said you looked used
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
