the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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