is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
