Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
