I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
