you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
