hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
look no pants
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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