So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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