I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
